The religious proverb, charity begins at home seems a mere talk that has no influence in your life. The statement actually reveals itself in your life. What starts from home follows you to the market. Some you learn, practice or they name it for you. A fat bull at the market ate enough in its paddock. So the things that come true in your life started from home.
The saying points frankly to the impact of parenting on you, how you were raised concerns how you end up conducting yourself and interacting with others. How other people regard you does not only depend on their opinion but how you have been tainted back home.
I once worked as a restaurant manager in Harare. The major health concerns of a restaurant are it’s toilet and the kitchen. So the same effort you put in maintaining hygiene in the kitchen is the same you put in the toilet. So I noticed that people handle the toilet differently. Some would want to leave the toilet as desirable as they found it, while others think a toilet is a dirty place that must look filthy.
The way patrons behave has nothing to do with the appeals we stick on the wall for them to maintain good hygiene. People behave as they are cultured at home. You would have to manage regularly otherwise you will lose customers or increase the risk of diseases.
There is a tendency that what your naked eye experiences is what is usually cultured into you as a child growing up around a family, it’s not true. There are certain inconspicuous traits learnt without being instructed. Usually parents want to be identified through acceptable morals and they brandish a good image. Some families want to be identified Christian and some as philanthropists. They push a sheepish character in front of people yet in reality they are something else. At night away from their children, parents consult n’angas.
Parents somehow mistakenly think the public character they sell is what you are going to adopt and be limited to. Yes children take from their parents, the way you solve problems is cut from your parents’ methods. It starts from a very tender age when you mimic with peers when you play around the hood. Driving toy cars, watering the garden. Young girls do some mock cooking and all this does not intuitively happen. It is all borrowed from parents.
As you grow you start to have choices and expectations of your own. Your choices grow with you even if you may be discouraged to practice and show the choices. Any chance you find you express yourself in the choices you like. This ranges from dressing, language, music and many others.
When it was said charity begins at home the word charity kind of suggests it’s the good ways only. Misunderstandings, conflict and negative wishes from home also pursue you the same way the good things you learnt follow you. You pick up a fight for making choices which are usually against the expectations of your parents. Parents usually mobilise against you. Both your parents and siblings treatment taints you, the mark follows you. It is amazing how your boss will repeat your mother’s words far away from her.
Never take negative comments from your own people for granted. The habit ends up cast against you everywhere you go. Sometimes you end up believing the negative that is attributed to you. It affects your progress. It will become a mark, you may not really understand why. Invest your thought process to stop the damaging characteristics pulled from home.
It is natural to take a position that is diverse from the family that raised you. You are supposed to branch out anyway. In some other families you will have created opposition even outside the walls of your home. Effort will heap to bring you back just because they do not understand you. Very few families have resources to start you up. Many of our parents are also struggling to make ends meet. Little do they know they are blocking both their progress and yours too. The idea naturally is protective, but it must be for a shorter period and you are back to cordial relations. If it takes forever then you have to be strong and do without the family.
Due to certain positions a family may refuse its members to diversify, but the family is not a person that it must act singularly. A family is a brooder that empowers members to become their own. In many cases it’s the wishes of a dominant family member that need to be fulfilled through you. All those words invested to degrade you are meant to bring you back but without any incentive. A spirit is cast out to reach out to everyone you meet. They must treat you the same way the family regards you so that you are convinced you are wrong.
When you choose a course of your own life, never seize. Gather as much as possible for your path to be recognised. Looking back or being affected by words of discouragement is accepting to be destroyed. People live for themselves, it's your own life. Obedience should be directed to the right things, if you start respecting wrong things be assured you are going to be judged wrong also irrespective of who influenced you.
Written by Fred Farai Nyakudanga, an author expressing own opinion.
Contact on fredfarai@gmail.com 0773101411
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